Taking a Step Back

My major adviser asked my fellow colleague Jing to be the TA for the Food Chemistry lab, next semester. Although I am happy for her, I can't help but feel disappointed, in myself. I question whether or not I am letting him down... myself down... my parents down... everyone... When talking to my parents a few weeks ago, they told me that I should just ask him for a performance evaluation. That it's okay to ask if I am doing alright as a graduate student, and fulfilling my duties. I am not sure that I am... maybe I am not working hard enough, but I can't help but feel as though I am slipping away, one day at a time.

This year has been so hard. And last night I couldn't sleep, I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. I am not overwhelmed with the research and writing, but more so I was packing my clothes, and I started to freak out. I am so much bigger now then I was last year. Or so I feel. I hate myself for letting ED get the best of me. And feel somewhat ashamed that the trigger for me getting better was Josh. Am I that girl who has to be in a relationship to feel secure? Or is he really just 'good' for me?